One of 'those' weeks - continued.

Well it seems I can top the last post in oddities.

I'm going to be an aunt in eight weeks.

To cut a long story short - my younger brother moved out suddenly about a year ago. He became very strange, distant. Aggressive at times. Mostly he felt like a stranger. He was caught in tiny little lies at times. We wondered why. Drugs came up but was shot down - he's not really the type we thought. I once asked him if his female roommate, 'just a friend' was pregnant. He said no. He kept denying they were any kind of couple.

Phone call last night, she's pregnant. Due in eight weeks. It's his.

Well. I'm almost happy in a way, sitting here sipping beer wondering if the stress of this secret was the cause for his change. Will I have my brother back? He was my best friend too until his change. In Christmas 2006, before he changed, I slaved away for months at Gamestation to buy him a ps2, guitar hero and singstar hehe. I'd always promised him when he was younger, year after year, that I'd get him a gameboy. Thing is 50p a week pocket money didn't stretch quite that far so... well it felt damn good to finally treat him. Like keeping the promise in a weird way.

Now I'm just in a blather I know. God help me it's a bit out the blue. I always thought it was me that'd end up with an unwanted pregnancy, hell since the end of secondary school I went from celebrated genius to constant fuck up. Not that this kids unwanted, I mean, sure I doubt it was planned but my brother is responsible in other ways. He'd make a good father. Hell, he moved out and has supported the young girl since - even insisted she continue with college. He works two jobs at the moment. He gets up at 6 (sometimes earlier) and goes to the paintball range. Think he gets back about 6 from that. Then at 7 he goes to work at a bar until 1. Then does it all over again.

I've been a bit jealous the past year of how proud my parents are of him - dad talks about him constantly to everyone. But since when have I shown as hard work as that? He deserves people to be proud of him.

So. My mum nearly had a fit when he quit his job at the animal shelter (yes my brother even worked unpaid charity). She wouldn't let anyone talk about it, cried loads. I got very angry at that because when he quit, my brother needed support - he'd been accused of an animals death, some doves. Someone else did it and when he recieved an apology, he still wouldn't go back. I've seen my brother cry alot, but not swear. He was banging his head against the wall. I think he never stopped blaming himself - he's pretty sensitive although you wouldn't think to look at him. Well I spoke to mum on the phone and barely said 'dad told me' and I could hear tears.

I'm worrying about my older sister too. Her (she's 38ish) and her partner have been on IVF repeatedly - I think they've spent about £16k on it. They're on another cycle at the moment. To find the youngest sibling has got a kid coming - and so soon - well I don't know. I hope it doesn't upset her further.

Looks like I'm buying this.

So there we go. A big blather. Don't know how to feel. Pissed off he lied? Happy maybe we can repair our close friendship? Even a little jealous in a messed up way that he has a job, a life, a kid soon - and I'm the older one living at home as a jobless bum? God knows. I'm waiting for him to call soon, find out more. I hope he's okay.

Really I just miss my brother so much.